A funny thing happened to me today. I, finally, after days of agonizing, finally got a chocolate chip cookie. And when I say days, I literally mean, I’ve been thinking about this for days- weeks maybe. I wanted a cookie so bad that I paid basically $100 for a cookie, okay, it was more like $5, but $5 for a cookie is ridiculous.
I was sitting in the cafe at school, I just finished my salad, and I was eating my cookie, sipping my water and twitter stalking when two females walked by me. Now, I’m nosy, there is literally no way around that. I am that neighbor that eavesdrops through the door. I know my hearing skills with this kind of stuff is good- but these girls didn’t even try to be discrete in what they said. I wasn’t even needing to pretend to not be listening when I was.
These girls (lets call them girl 1 and 2) were deep in a conversation about how girl 1 was trying to, and needed to lose weight- who was, without judging, overweight- when she said:
“Those cookies look good”
And then bitch girl 2 said (while looking at me):
“But then you’d be fat like her”.
Now, obviously, this girl had some personal issues to overcome. I understand that. We all have issues that we take out on other people, it’s how we work, but- come on!
So, immediately, I sent out a tweet- that’s what every one would do, right?
I got a handful of “punch her in the face”, “what did you say to her?!” responses, but the fact is, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to say anything, and I just sat there and finished my cookie.
Apparently, I needed time for it to settle, I needed time to process and brew up the right response.
And here it is:
Dear Girl 2 (you know who you are, you called me fat today),
I’m not sure why you decided I was a good example of Obese America, maybe I was the only one you could see currently enjoying a baked concoction of flour, sugar, and chocolate- so you decided to use me as an example for your friend. Sadly, I’m okay with this. I had nothing angry to say to you, and no angry thoughts running through my head, I really just didn’t care.
See, what you don’t know- because you don’t know me- is that I used to be extremely overweight. Now I’m in my healthy weight range. In fact, today I weighed in at 128.0, but that’s not the point. The point is that I used to be overweight, and I’ve heard all of these comments before. I’ve been called fat to my face. I had a guy tell me he would love me more if I lost weight. I’ve had people ask if I was pregnant and little kids ask their parent’s about “the fat person” in the grocery store. All of these, including the one you said to me today, are what fuel me. You didn’t make me upset, you didn’t make me cry, or eat another cookie (I was probably going to regardless)- you fueled my run for tomorrow. You put the bounce back in my weight loss step. People like you have helped me lose 60 lbs. And you, my dear friend; girl 2, have now pushed me to lose the last 10.
But even though I have one reaction, you could have caused a completely different one in someone else. Watch your mouth. Someone who is in the same position I used to be in could take that horribly, comments like that used to wreck me, and you have no right to give yourself that power. You, who I’m sure have some unhealthy habits of your own (was that aCoronasweatshirt you were wearing), have no right to judge- to point fingers- and to mentally scar other people.
So please, shut the fuck up.
And just so you know, that cookie was the best thing I had eaten all day.
Regards,
Your half marathoner- cookie eating- friend
And if you all don’t mind, I’d like to address girl number 1 too:
Dear girl number 1,
I saw that you really were struggling with your weight and with the thoughts in your own mind. Do yourself a favor, right now, get a new friend.
Always,
Someone who used to be in your shoes.
It’s not amazing to me that people like this still exist, it’s how we’re built as a culture, but it still sucks. You would think that with all the anti-bullying stuff out there right now, people would bemore aware of what they’re saying. But they aren’t, and that’s sad. I really hope this girl doesn’t do damage to anyone with her words.
What would you have done? How would you have reacted?
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19 Comments
Love it! I love your responses to both girls, and I’m glad you could see the stupid in the whole situation. You’re great – don’t forget it.
great response! i am sorry you had to deal with that though. i am not sure what i would have done or how i might have reacted. i am sure it would have hurt my feelings though.
Omg some people are just horrible and only gain validation by putting others down! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that!
I would have said, “OMG, are they casting for Mean Girls 2? I mean, you’re really perfect for the part! How did you get into character so well?” Okay, I wouldn’t say it, but that’s what I would have liked to say. But I think you have it right — she was a bully, but bullies are often sad, lonely people. You’ve got her beat by miles, Coll!
Oh, and I think you should post your letters in the school newspaper.
good for you! that you’re such a strong person now that you know not to waste any of your emotional energy on such a nasty, negative person. i was overweight for many years, in elementary school i had a teacher ask me in front of the class ‘how do you even fit in the shower?!’. i don’t know how people can live with the things that they say sometimes…but we are ultimately in control of how deeply it does (or hopefully does NOT!) effect us!
im so proud of you for handling it the way that you did! you are an amazing person, and i applaud you incredibly! it makes me sick to see how ignorant and ridiculous people can be due to their own insecurities. i feel so sad for them! have a wonderful day and be so proud of yourself. YOURE AMAZING! spa love!
You go girl! You handled it so well! I think if that happened to me I would be shell shocked. Can you imagine though…you’re an adult and are strong because of your maturity but there are children/teens that deal with this at such a young age???? You’re definitely a good role model for them! Keep it up!
you rock! you are such an inspiration! some people can’t fuel off of other peoples stupidity… you can.. that is an awesome trait to have! (:
I often wish that I was half as good at telling people off as you are
You know it’s my specialty.
way to go, I am sorry but eating a cookie is something anyone should be able to do. balance people! I hate girls like that, aka why i have less girl friends. so petty
Good response! Wow, I am shocked at how rude and inappropriate people are!
this is both perfect and fantastic.
That was awesome. I don’t understand why people think their opinions or their goals are much more important than anyone else’s. I think you are AWESOME for exercising a bit of restraint and finding a positive outlet for this negative encounter. BTW 128 lbs is nowhere near fat, jeez.
She was clearly jealous because you are healthy, fit, and enjoying your life, complete with a reward cookie every now and then. It’s for the best anyhow…if she tried to eat a delicious cookie it would taste like bitterness, despair, and self-loathing.
All I have to say is girl power, runner power, cookie power. Every kind of power to you. I think taking that negative comment and turning it into a positive for you is awesome. I wish more people had that kind of motivation when people are just rude and mean. Karma.
If you see those girls around, I would call them out. Your post reminds me of another blog post on the mean girls topic. http://ducttapeweddingring.com/2011/12/19/a-search-for-peace-and-forgiveness-an-update-to-the-story-of-the-girl-at-the-rec/
I’m glad you could see this for what it is — not about you, but about her. People who do this sort of thing aren’t mean, they are just so sad. She obviously can only feel good about herself by saying terrible things about other people. I’m glad we can feel good about ourselves by going for a run — or eating a cookie!