Wednesday’s Run:
5mi- fast- awesome.
Yesterday was a really funny day for me. I got up (normal), drank coffee (normal), ran and went to class (both normal), then I drove to Buffalo and stopped at the Galleria Mall. Because who can resist the best mall ever? Not me.
Usually around this time of year I have my bi-annual shopping spree. I save all my money for 6 months, and buy no clothes, just so twice a year I can do it all at once. This is for two reasons; 1) I hate malls 2) It’s fun to spend a lot of money without looking at the price tags. This was going to be a big one, I have no clothes that fit, nothing that looks good, but, it’s a lot harder than it used to be. I used to barely look at clothes, grab the size I knew fit, and move on to the next item. I essentially wouldn’t even know what I had until I got home. This time I had to try things on, and nothing looked good. It was very frustrating and overwhelming.
I lost weight to (partially) look good in clothes, not to look worse than I did before.
When I started losing weight I had this grand vision of what I would look like at the end. I even had planned how I would get my hair done- because skinny girls can pull off certain hair cuts. I saw myself in skinny jeans, cropped shirts, high heels. I envisioned the most beautiful dresses that only looked good on girls around a size 0 or 2. I thought about the new tattoo I wanted, because you can’t lose a lot of weight after you get a tattoo, it’ll look stupid, so I was waiting until all the weight was off. It was going to be like the grand finale.
But here I am, 55.6 lbs lighter, and I’m in worse shape fashion wise than I was. I’m not what I thought I would look like, and I don’t fit into all the trendy clothes I thought I would look fab in. And if you can believe it, I also didn’t grow 9 inches overnight.
I drove home, belted out some legally blonde, and sat on my couch for a little bit. I was sad, mad, confused, frustrated- you name it and I probably felt it.
Here’s what I realized; I don’t get to control what I look like. Sure, I can control makeup, hair, tattoos- but I can’t do much about my hip size, or leg length. I could control the sizes of some of me, but if I can’t part with $1448 for a needed computer, I don’t think I’ll easily swallow throwing money at someone to cut me up and put me back together.
I guess what I’m trying to say is:
I will never look like Zoey Deschanel.
Ever.
So don’t mind me while I got back to the drawing board and try to figure out how to do this whole transformation thing.
How else was yesterday weird?
- We opened chicken we bought the day before and it was bad so we ate corn for dinner.
- I had my first Honey Boo-Boo experience.
- We set up a time with a relator to look at a house.
Yep. That’s all I’ve got.
Who do you want to look like, but never will?
Was your Wednesday a wacky one like mine?
How do you go about fashion?
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Twitter: @RunforDessert
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11 Comments
Freaky timing – I had a very similar thought today – I can;t make myself look like someone I’m not. No matter how hard I try!
Much love – you’re gorgeous the way you are. Promise.
Thank you Kate! Isn’t it funny how we want to look like other people?
Girl, try not to get so down, I promise you it’s all mental! I am going through the exact same thing right now and it’s driving me up a wall. You get so used to not liking what you see in the mirror that you’re not seeing what’s really there. I’ve found the key is to take someone shopping with you (me, me, I volunteer when I’m home next time!) who will be your truly honest reflection. You are gorgeous, itty bitty and amazingly fabulous – you always have been. <3
And I pick you to go with me! (ps this means you have to come home soon) I love you! I don’t love that you’re not working the morning shift right now.
You were beautifully made unique by god, and you are beautiful! All of gods work is beautiful! Clothes shopping can be a drag, but don’t be discouraged! Have a fantastic day! Spa love!
Thanks! It really is discouraging but I’ll try to remember this for next time I go!
Don’t be so hard on yourself! Shopping is tough for everyone no matter what size. Everyone is unique so clothes fit differently. Hell I can’t pull of skinny jeans at all! I hate shopping so go maybe once a year, more likely never. Yep, I am a terrible shopper.
Sending you sparkles.
Fashion stinks sometimes!
You are a gorgeous person on the inside and feeling good about yourself makes you look good on the outside! I understand your frustration though—shopping is a pain in the rear. Ummm, Honey Boo Boo, I can’t get enough of that train wreck.
Oh, I totally hear ya! After losing a bunch of weight and wearing nothing but pj’s and workout clothes for a few years, I decided to go buy awesome new clothes. Bc I was totally going to be Rachel McAdams, right? And…nope…still not her….ever. And you can never ever shop online again bc your mental you and the real you are so different that you have no clue what those clothes really look like. And some “skinny girl” clothes look awesome on you and some make you feel like you look like a whale (which makes you feel like all that weight loss is a failure). Trust me, I could go on forever, but you and I are in the same boat.
I think you look great! You will figure out what works for you and your body, don’t worry!
I don’t do fashion at all. I haven’t bought new clothes in over a year, unless you count running clothes.